Christmas Grief

Christmas 1989 is a memorable one for me. It was my first white Christmas ever! On Christmas Eve morning we drove gingerly to church and sang Christmas carols with 20 or so brave souls who ventured out to worship. 

But Christmas 1989 is also memorable for me because we were miserable. Mom came down with the flu, and I got into a terrible argument with dad. Hanging over the house was the reality that my father had been diagnosed with terminal cancer a few months before. We all knew it was our last Christmas together. We were sick, mad, and sad about it but unwilling to talk about it. 

The holidays are cheerful for most, but they can be painful for others. A recent loss or anticipated loss can drain the beauty and excitement out of family gatherings and gifts under a decorated tree. Our friends at Stephen Ministry have some recommendations about how to be supportive of people who are grieving during the holidays. 

1.Say the person’s name. Sometimes we are afraid to mention a person who has recently died out of concern that it will upset their surviving loved ones. But the opposite is true. Silence and avoidance can be more painful. Saying their name opens the door to remembering and treasuring. 

2.Share memories. Maybe they want to tell you stories about their loved ones, or maybe they want you to tell them their stories. These conversations are important ways to care for people who are grieving.

3.Embrace every emotion. The stories you hear may be accompanied by sadness, gratitude, anger, or regret. Often we don’t know what to do or say when another person expresses strong or unexpected emotions. You don’t have to “say the right thing,” or “fix” the other person with a pat answer or platitude. Just listen and acknowledge what they are feeling. 

The Christian faith is one of remembering:

•“Remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the Lord your God brought you out from there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm” (Deuteronomy 5:15). 

•“The Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took a loaf of bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and said, ‘This is my body that is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.’ In the same way he took the cup also, after supper, saying, ‘This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.’ For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes” (1 Corinthians 11:23-26).

We remember the good parts and the bad. We remember that God in Christ has suffered with us and for us and that we are not alone. We remember in the hope that the Christ who came to us in Bethlehem will come again. He will put together all that has been torn, and we will be with him and all his children forever.

Blessings, 
Marvin